Brothers

I can hardly believe it has been almost a year since we welcomed our second Sprout into our family. From the moment we decided to have a second child the doubts were plenty. Not about the actual WANTING another child, but how it would affect the family dynamics, especially regarding Sprout 1.

Would I be able to love another child as much as I already loved Sprout 1? Would they get along? Would he be jealous? Could we dedicate enough time and resources to a second child? What would I do about breastfeeding (I was still breastfeeding Sprout 1 when I found out I was pregnant)? Is this fair to Sprout 1? And on, and on…

Of course, looking back now these questions seem almost silly. It’s amazing how these little ones fill our hearts so completely, yet there’s always room for more. My two sons are so very different, yet quite similar all at once. My sons’ relationship has grown. I think they both benefit from having each other, and they both love each other… most of the time.

Sprout 2 (10 months) is still at that stage of adoring his big brother, even when he gets knocked over! Sprout 1 (almost 4 years) has moments ranging from adoration to frustration and occasional spurts of jealousy when baby is getting “too much” attention (think milestones, like sitting, crawling, eating).

We’re into a good groove at the moment, but it hasn’t always been this way. I was surprised to find after Sprout 2’s birth that Sprout 1 wasn’t upset at the baby, but rather was upset at us. At me in particular, for a while. he was NOT happy with all the time I was spending with his baby brother.

We found ways to help him with his feelings and things got better as they got to know each other and as baby grew and became more responsive (smiles for big brother! giggles! chasing! yay!).

One thing I found helpful was giving him a doll to take care of. He would change diapers, burp, carry and even breastfeed (too cute!). We were also very open and explained why babies needed so much attention and how he was when he was a baby. We never denied him expressing feelings of wanting the baby to go back in mama’s belly, or insisted he loved his brother when he said he didn’t. Soon enough things fell into a new sort of normal.

I also found books to be a big help with the process, both for him and for me. Here are four books which really helped prepare the way and that he occasionally STILL asks to read.

Books for preparing the arrival of a new sibling

This book is brilliant. It’s a conversation throughout the seasons between mother and son where they both imagine what baby will be once he’s big. Sprout 1 loves the scenarios and really identified with the little boy. I loved that the little boy expressed his negative feelings toward the baby, yet ends with a “Grandpa, we’re going to love our baby, aren’t we?”;  brought tears to my hormonal eyes.

What’s inside your tummy mummy?, by Abby Cocovini

This book was recommended by a friend and it’s perfect for little ones to get a month by month picture of what is going on inside Mom’s belly. It consists of month by month 2-page spreads with tidbits about the growing baby along with real sized pictures of baby inside the “mummy’s tummy”. Sprout 1 loved to have me hold it up to my belly. It’s great for preschoolers who want to know the why’s and how’s, without too much information. It ends with a push and some information about newborns (referencing both breastfeeding and bottle feeding).

My New Baby, Illustrated by Rachel Fuller

This picture book depicts many scenarios of what happens when baby is here. Lots of discreet breastfeeding images and side by sides of what baby does and what big sister or brother can do. Also pictures of going for walks with baby in a carrier. It gives kids an idea of how they can be included in activities with baby (helping with the bath, etc) and how activities like story-time and singing can include baby as well. A great little book for toddlers and preschoolers.

What baby needs, by William Sears MD, Martha Sears RN and Christie Watts Kelly, Illustrated by Renée Andriani

This book is certainly geared towards attachment parenting families. It has images of baby sleeping in a co-sleeper attached to the parent’s bed, being carried in a sling, breastfeeding, etc. It has little tidbits for the older sibling, and includes more than one older sibling, so good for families with more kids. Sprout 1 loved seeing familiar scenes and could relate to the parts addressing the older sibling’s feelings like wishing the baby would go away.

Raising Happy Brothers and Sisters: Helping Our Children Enjoy Life Together, from Birth Onwards , by Jan Parker and Jan Stimpson

Finally, a book for the parents. I must admit I’m still reading through this as it covers before birth to adolescence, so I dip in as I feel the need. I researched many books on sibling relationships and from the reviews, this one seemed to be what I was looking for. It addresses the many stages of sibling relationships and family dynamics. The book is peppered with anecdotes from real parents, children and health visitors. It’s easy to read in short spurts (is it too much information if I tell you this book sits in our bathroom?) and is packed with sound advice and reminders of simple things we sometimes forget or overlook.

Do you have more than one child? Are you thinking about it? How have you handled it and do you have any tips or stories you’d like to share?

Online reads

I hope you had a nice weekend, even with the cold, the fog and the snow if you’re reading from Brussels!

Here are some things I’ve been reading on the inter-webs. Feel free to add any other links you’ve enjoyed in the comments.

Activities for Kids and Parents in Brussels, over @cheeseweb – http://cheeseweb.eu/2013/02/activities-kids-parents-brussels-belgium/

Ages and Stages: Overstimultaion in babies – http://simplekids.net/ages-and-stages-overstimulation-babies/

A birth-story at St. Elisabeth in Brussels – This one is in French, but you can always use Google translate if you can’t read French. This is actually a very interesting project. Lots of birth stories from mums demanding a more humane birthing experience – http://moncorpsmonbebemonaccouchement.wordpress.com/2013/02/18/120-sylvia-bruxelles-2012/

You are your child’s strongest advocate – whatever their age @childhood 101 – http://childhood101.com/2013/02/you-are-your-childs-strongest-advocate-whatever-their-age/

Littlest Sprout’s birth story

Wow, it’s been over 3 months already!!! Is it really possible it’s been so long? Seems like just the other day I was dragging my enormous belly around Brussels!

Well, I have been busy, that’s for sure. Two kids are a whole other dynamic, especially when one is always keeping the other up (and no, I’m not referring to the baby not letting Sprout 1 sleep – it’s actually been the other way around, but that’s a whole other story).

I figure it’s high time I write down Sprout 2’s birth story, before the details get completely blurred in my mind…

If you’ve been reading awhile, or reading through the archives you may remember Sprout 1’s birth was actually quite easy (you can find the story here). It was actually pretty similar this time round. The night before I was having what I thought were Braxton Hick contractions since it wasn’t another 2 weeks until my due date. Just in case, I decided to pick out the baby outfits and such I wanted to take to hospital. I woke pretty normally the next morning, went to take Sprout 1 to school, and came back home to pack my bag. I kept having contractions all morning and it was really beginning to sink in that this was it. My Mom was staying with us, and she wasn’t quite sure if I was in labour either because she said it didn’t really look like I was in pain, but started to agree I might be when my contractions were about 10 min. apart. I was still a bit doubtful, however, because I didn’t have a “show” like I did with Sprout 1. Otherwise, it felt like the first phase of labour was well on the way. R was at work, so I called to let him know he might have to come home at some point during the day. I still felt ok, and contractions were short and spaced enough that I felt ok to pick Sprout up from his half-day at maternelle. I did have to slow down a few times on the way due to mild contractions. Once I was at maternelle, contractions were closer together and I had to stop a few times on the way to the gate, which attracted some attention from passers-by, some of who stopped to ask if I was ok. Sprout was finally out and his teacher was explaining how he had a good morning that day and I had to hurry her along saying, sorry but I think I’m in labour so really must go! Her face was priceless, slightly panicky. But all was well and off we headed to the car. A couple of friends checked up on me to make sure I was ok to drive, and I really still was. On the way home I called R to say he better come home so I could go to the clinic and he asked if I could stop by his office on my way to pick him up! Ha! he wasn’t fully aware of how far along I was. Of course I said no. He caught a taxi and met me at home. After getting my bags and explaining to Sprout he was going to stay with his grandma while we went to the clinic for his brother to come out of the belly, off we went in midday traffic. When we got to the maternity at St. Michel, I saw my doctor was there (yay! at least he wouldn’t be late). We explained how we thought I was in labour, but no one really took us seriously. They sent us into one of the rooms with an intern midwife to determine if I really was in labour and if I would be admitted. The intern clearly still had a lot of training to do, especially bedside manners! Luckily I’m not one to freak out or anything. Mostly I just wanted her to shut up because she was consistently talking and asking questions. She hooked me up to the monitors, finally getting it sort of right after a few attempts and proceeded to tell me she was going to monitor me for a while and then, in her words (well, her words were French, but you get it) “we’ll decide if you are in labour”, said in a most skeptical voice. Well, um, no YOU won’t decide… but I kept my mouth shut. After finally deciding I indeed was in labour, I was admitted and asked tons of info for filling out some forms (through contractions – really? I had to keep interrupting her) and get hooked up to the IV drip thingy (without the actual drip – don’t know the technical terms!). Anyway, while trying to insert the thing, she totally went through my vein and I was bleeding.  Oh, and did I mention I have a slight fear of needles… fun indeed! She had to ask a colleague to get my other arm. No problems there, thankfully. At this point she wanted to give me an enema!!!! Which I didn’t want and so I proceeded to lock myself in the bathroom until I didn’t need one! Ha! Finally my little birthing room was cleared of all people (R went to register me and get a bite to eat) so I turned on my Natal Hypnotherapy Labour Companion tracks on my iPhone and began to relax. I used this book and cd for preparation this time since I had lent my Mongan Method Hypnobirthing book to a friend and hadn’t gotten it back yet. I liked the Mongan method, but didn’t want to get the same book I already had so I tried Natal Hypnotherapy this time. It was a tremendous help! I won’t say I actually went into self-hypnosis as I’m not quite sure I did, but it really did help through contractions without any medication and I’m pretty sure I could attribute being so calm and nobody believing I was in labour to having used this. Totally recommend it!
I did use the birthing ball this time, since Sprout 2 was in an awkward position and it was soothing. Things progressed fairly quick. I went in at about 13h30 and Sprout 2 was out by 16h30 🙂 I breathed through the contractions like the cd recommends and was fine talking in between. The room was very hot though and I was feeling quite tired near the end and thought I wouldn’t have the energy for pushing. This is normal though, it’s the transition period when you don’t really think you can keep up anymore and then… you muster up some superhuman strength and out came little Sprout in the most beautiful moment ever. Thankfully no episiotimy this time, only some small tears which were stitched up. Healing was sooo much better! Oh, and at the end, the doc told me he never thought he would be helping to deliver my baby that day, he really was expecting to send me back on my merry way for false labour. Another interesting tidbit, I spoke French to everyone the whole time, and everyone spoke it back to me (except R of course, we do Portuguese between us). As soon as Sprout 2 was born and I said something along the lines of “hello there beautiful!”, everyone switched to speaking to me in English, despite my answering in French. This happens all the time soon as people hear me speak English. Why, oh why? It’s nice people want to be helpful, but it makes speaking better French that much harder.

So, we were off to a good start and he most definitely did not look like 2 weeks early (Sprout 1 also came 2 weeks before the first estimated due date, so just goes to show…). He was a plump 3kg250 and a short 49cm. This one most definitely takes after me… HA! For those of you wondering how long you have to stay in hospital for a second child here, they generally tell you 3 to 4 days (5 to 7 for first). However, with Sprout 1 at home, and not having particularly enjoyed staying in hospital the first time around, I wanted to be home as soon as possible, where I would have more loving help, a familiar environment and my oldest son. A sweet friend of mine told was only in for 24h because she got a midwife to go home to take care of her and baby and perform all the necessary tests (the reason they really don’t want you out before). I used the same service she did (http://www.zwangerinbrussel.be/) and both of us have only good things to say.  They speak EN, FR and NL and are super sweet and helpful. Plus, it’s covered by the mutuelle! All you have to pay is their dislocation fee (about €5)! I was so happy for this and really believe it was an incredible aid to our good start to breastfeeding and to him not having developed jaundice. But I’ll leave the breastfeeding story for another day.

My Birth Story

A bit late , I know but better late than never!!! Things have been hectic since the birth, but I’ll leave that for another post!

I had gone out to dinner on Sunday 12 April feeling huge, but appearing to still be carrying quite high. Everyone was absolutely convinced I was going to go over my due date. Later that night, I woke up at around 4.30am

My bags are packed

Last week I finally “finished” packing my hospital bags. I suppose it was about time, considering I’m past 37 weeks now and considered full term. It still doesn’t feel like it will happen that soon though. I have a gut feeling I’ll go over term, but you never know.

Here are my bags

This is what the Clinique St. Michel said we should pack:

Our new Ferrari and other updates

I’ve been having a busy month at the office, trying to finish things up and preparing the ground for my replacement, so I really haven’t felt like turning on the computer (or doing anything else, for that matter) once I get home. And so it’s March 18th and this is my first post this month!

Everything has been great on the pregnancy side of things: still doing my yoga, we have our last prenatal BCT class tomorrow and I’ve also been going to prenatal kines-therapy (similar to physiotherapy) sessions on Saturday mornings.

We’ve started to prepare things for sprouts arrival. All newborn clothes has been washed, ironed and put away in my drawers. Unfortunately he still doesn’t have his own room because we are in the process of buying an apartment and the closing will only be in June, so we’ll have to cram up a bit in our room until then. Not that I expect to have him sleeping in his room yet, but it would be nice to have his dresser, etc to put his things in instead of having them in random places throughout the house like we do at the moment!

We also finally brought home the Ferrari my sis kindly gave us for the little sprout (R has been calling it a Ferrari because its red 😉 )!

We love our red Loola Up! It was very easy to put everything together (minor assembly required), and it’s lightweight, practical to open and close, doesn’t take up much space (when closed), easy to manoeuvre… just great. In the pic you can see the full stroller with raincover on, the carrycot (which will be doubling as a moses basket until we move) and the car seat and car seat base. Everything is set up so that it can air out. It really smells plasticy in that little room now! On the sofa bed behind, you can see some bits and pieces that still need sorting and washing.

I’ve also been collecting some cloth diapers to try out once sprout is here:

Our stash now includes (clockwise from left) 2 XS Motherease Airflow wraps, 3 S Tots Bots Bamboozles; 2 Onesize Bumgenious V3; 1 S Fuzzibunz Pocket; 1 S Tots Bots Flexitots Organic; and 1 Organic velour Swaddlebees in Newborn. I think they’re adorable. My favourite is the Swaddlebees. It’s a 2 part diaper, which means it need a waterproof wrap (will be using Motherease). It’s so soft and compact and has a little fold down part in the front to give room for a newborn’s cord. I also have some disposable paper liners, sanitizer, a mesh bag for dry pailing and washing and various boosters. I can’t wait to try them, even though I’m a bit worried about them getting stained early on with the meconium… I really hope I’ll be able to use these!

And, just as an update, here is my belly at around 32 weeks:

Needless to say, I’m much bigger at 35 weeks now!

BCT Antenatal classes

Illustration courtesy of Tine Graf for BCT

I’m on a roll here… Trying to make up for the lack of posts this month. It’s just all been so hectic with work and all!

We started going to the Brussels Childbirth antenatal classes a couple of weeks ago and have had 3 classes since. I must admit (and I guess it’s not too hard to guess) that it was my idea and Rodrigo is kindly humouring me without much complaint. He didn’t think they’d be useful and sometimes doesn’t like the activities, but admits that he has learned a few things and that the classes are useful. I agree with him regarding some activities, but overall I’ve found these classes to be brilliant. It’s a great way to meet other English-speaking parents expecting around the same time and to receive helpful information and hints in a very friendly, relaxed environment.

The classes are given by a Nurse/midwife from the UK and so far we’ve covered topics such as what happens during labour, when to go to hospital, pain relief methods (drugs and more natural approaches), breathing, packing for the maternity, how to change diapers (mostly for the dads!), etc. Today we also had a special class on breastfeeding given by a BF counsellor, which we both thought was fabulous! Techniques and very useful info was given, and it’s good to know that after the birth we can call our breastfeeding counsellor and ask for help/hints for breastfeeding. I think this will be great support. Later on we’ll also have a special class on Infant Resuscitation, along with the regular classes.

I highly recommend these classes to anyone able to attend. You can find more info here.

Maternity tour @ Clinique St-Michel

Last Wednesday, we went on a tour of the maternity ward at the hospital where I’ll be giving birth, Clinique St-Michel in Etterbeek, part of the Cliniques d’Europe group. It took about an hour and a half and I really feel it was very useful. We came out with peace of mind regarding procedures and plenty of useful information. I strongly recommend going on one of these tours at your hospital if you have the opportunity.

We were showed around and given explanations by the head nurse. We didn’t actually see the rooms in the maternity ward because they were fully booked (yikes), but got to see the labour room, delivery room, a big bath they have available for pain relief, the room where baby will first be cared for and the neonatal section. I am quite relieved to see that, although it’s a hospital setting with all the necessary technology and tools, it is a relatively small unit, the staff seems friendly and they have a good balance between medicalised and natural birthing.

Other information that was given to us was when to go to hospital, which entrance to use, where to park, what to take, pain relief available, alternative methods for pain relief, mobility, necessary documents, procedures, etc. We were quite happy with all information given and all my questions were answered (and they were quite a few). They are also quite supportive of breastfeeding and during the stay (usually 5 days!!!) they teach you little by little how to take care of your baby so you’re better prepared once you leave. Baby stays by your side 24hrs a day, which some people feel may be a bit distressing, but I am very happy to hear. They warn you it will be hard at first, but are very supportive and there to help you.

You can remain relatively mobile during labour (given there are no complications and you haven’t had an epidural) and monitoring is done on and off more or less every 40min, so no wires constantly attached to you. IV is only given if you need it and not systematically. It’s also nice to know baby and mom have skin to skin contact before being taken away for routine examinations, cleaning and dressing (unless baby is distressed). I really feel family time is very important during those first moments after the birth.

I hope I’m this satisfied when it’s time for the birth itself!

Pregnancy library

Ever since I found out I was pregnant, I’ve been reading up on the matter. Besides the many blogs and forums I’ve been visiting, I’ve also managed to build up a pregnancy library at home! These are the books I’ve been reading:

What to Expect when you’re expecting

by Sandee E. Hathaway, Arlene Eisenberg, Heidi E. Murkoff

This was the very first pregnancy book I bought and I quite like it. It has a lot of useful information in a Q&A format and it’s divided up my months (at the beginning of each month it says from which week until which it goes, e.g. 6th month, weeks 24 to 28). It is very useful for reference, but maybe not so much if you get obsessed or paranoid with possible complications (fortunately not my case) because it does describe just about everything that can go wrong. It also has a chapter for dads-to-be (which R has not even looked at yet!) and other useful info. I definitely recommend it for reference.

Cuidados Naturais na Gravidez

by Zita West (a Portuguese translation of Natural Pregnancy)

I have Claudia to thank for this book and the next! 🙂 This book also gives useful information on the various stages of pregnancy, but is more focused on a natural approach, meaning alternative therapies, nutritional information, etc. It’s very interesting and backed with practical and useful tips. It is not bible size like what to expect, so it is easier to consult. I love the natural approach to pregnancy symptoms (and pregnancy in general) and I think it gives a very good introduction to alternative therapies that can be used, such as homeopathic remedies, massages, osteopathy and hypnotherapy.

Agenda da Grávida

Impala Edições

This book was lent to me by Claudia and I believe it was the main one she used during her pregnancy last year. It is a week by week guide to pregnancy, with a calendar section each week that you can fill out with your own notes. What I love the best is that Claudia has filled out some of her stuff and since we are due for around the same time (with 2 yrs difference), it is interesting to see we have been going through much of the same. Personally, I don’t think I would actually buy this because most of this information is available on-line (in English-speaking sites mostly) and can be received through newsletters. However, I have been reading every week because it is very easy and the information is very useful. I think this would be especially useful for those who have a more limited access to Internet or that would like information in Portuguese.

HypnoBirthing: The Mongan Method

By Marie Mongan

I bought this in December and have been slowly reading through. This isn’t one of those books that focuses on what is happening during your pregnancy, but mostly on labour preparation. Now, don’t get put off by the title! I have heard many people swear by this method and it really does seem to help with labour if, like me, you plan to do it as natural as possible and (hopefully) without an epidural.

The Book promises “pain free” delivery, but to be honest… I don’t believe in that! Not entirely. I think the basis for this method is very interesting and it’s excellent to help you overcome the fear of birthing most women have (and that many times is what leds to more stressful and painful deliveries). That said, I think you have to filter through what is said and take bits and pieces from it. I’m all for natural, but I think sometimes the book can go a bit over board with some demands, etc. That said, I’ve found it very useful so far, but can only comment further once I finish it (and after the birt, of course!). It comes with a cd with a relaxation track and a brth visualisation track. I’ve been using the relaxation cd before bed, which I’m not sure is a good idea because I think I’ve only been able to hear the full track once or twice. Although I do suppose that means it works 😉 I will definitely be writing more on this later on.

Attendre bebe… autrement

by de Piraud-Rouet Catherine, Sampers-Gendre Emmanuelle

I only came across this one recently and I had a real debate with myself on whether or not it was worth spending more money on yet another pregnancy book. But I flicked through it and thought this is really for me. It’s in french and is more about the situation in France. However, things are similar in Belgium (to an extent) and there is some (sparse) info on Belgium as well.

This would have been my bible had I bought it earlier on. It has a lot of info on “alternative” birthing methods, natural pregnancy, birthing plans, etc. However, the information is given to you in a very matter-of-fact way, not excluding the more medicalised solutions and it even has a part on c-sections. It also has an example of a birth story in various settings: c-section, medicalised, hospital but less medicalised, home birth, etc. I really like this book and since it’s in french, it does help to get more familiar with the lingo. It’s just too bad I didn’t find this earlier… I think it would have made a great difference.

Besides these books, I also have a booklet by the Brussels Childbirth Trust entitled “Having your baby in Belgium“.I definitely recommend getting  hold on this if you are an expat in Belgium (Brussels in particular).

For more information you can go here or here. These links tell you where you can get it as well. This booklet really gives you an insight on what you can expect and what to do/where to find help.

I also recommend the Pregnancy in Belgium evenings hosted by the BCT in Brussels.

I’ve also been going through a booklet given to me at the maternity called Baby Boom. I believe it is linked to a baby expo and it has way too much advertising in it. It does have some useful Belgian info though.

Every now and then I buy a French magazine called Neuf Mois. This is mostly to keep my magazine addiction going ;). Actually, it has useful articles and good product reviews.

Prenatal Yoga

On Saturday I had my first prenatal yoga class. Actually, it’s called “Active Birth Yoga for Pregnancy” (more information here). I loved it! I always liked yoga, and enjoy doing my Shiva  Rea Prenatal Yoga dvd, but it’s much nicer in a group and with a teacher helping you with correct posture and breathing.

The group is fairly small and everyone is at different stages in pregnancy – from 4 months all the way to 9!!! The classes are in English, which is nice since all other exercise classes I’ve  been to here have been in French. The teacher is very sweet and some time is set aside for us all to talk about any possible niggles and to share experiences. The whole group seems quite nice. I’ve signed up for 6 classes so far, once a week on Saturday mornings, and can renew when the 6 classes are up. Which I probably will, for as long as I can.

I’m very keen on having as natural a birth as possible (yes, that does mean without any drugs) and I hope that this will help me prepare body and mind for that.